That's when you crack a 10am beer
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
