meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Are my feet made of real feet?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
