im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
