Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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