Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
