u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
