Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Barsexuality is the new black.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
