I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
