Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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