So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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