i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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