you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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