I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
