I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
