I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
