Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
And then he peed in my hair
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