Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
