my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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