I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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