I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
