Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize