Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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