oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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