I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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