It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
