Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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