he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
