Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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