So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize