All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
