I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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