Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
