Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
