My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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