So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Found your dick twin last night
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If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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