i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
