the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
