New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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