Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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