True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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