We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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