Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
