You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
