Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
