Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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