i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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