i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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