the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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