I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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