True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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