just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
