one two three fourrrrnication!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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