i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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