so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
