i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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