We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
