they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
