my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
