Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
