You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
