Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I cannot find my penis.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize