porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Holy sore nipples Batman
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
